10 Ways Not To Be Invited Back Next Time
June 2, 2008
Please excuse a bit of sarcasm here, as we discuss how not to be invited back to someone’s house.
1. Do not R.S.V.P. to an invitation. Make sure that you leave the host wondering if you are able to make it and if they need to plan enough food for you and your guest. Once the host musters up the nerve to call you to see if you are coming, give them a vague answer, like I am not sure, I will have see if something better comes up. Or better yet, say that you are coming and don’t show up.
2. Be Late. Make sure you are not fashionably late, but say maybe 30 minutes or more. This way, everyone knows that your time is more important than their time, and that dinner will be dried out from staying in the oven warming too long.
3. Bring uninvited guests. If your children are not invited to a party, just bring them along anyway. Adults will not mind if your cute little angels pull on the tablecloths, blow out candles or knock over the sterno to the chafing dish.
4. Do not bring a hostess gift. After all your presence is gift enough. Don’t offer to bring anything either, the host just might say yes.
5. Critique everything. Tell the host that no one really likes mushrooms, and that sun-dried tomatoes are passé. Offer them a better recipe for the beef burgiunion that they might want to use next time. Hint. Hint.
6. Bring Up Controversial Subjects. Politics, religion, and Uncle Wally’s bankruptcy are all a good place to start. The louder you talk the better.
7. Snoop. Wander around the house by yourself, inspect for cleanliness, ask how much that new vase cost. Go through the medicine cabinet and help yourself to those prescription drugs.
8. Get Drunk. Drink as much as you can, as fast as you can, after all it’s free. The hosts can clean up after your spills and Aunt Millie won’t mind your dirty little jokes.
9. Stay too long. Be the last one to leave after the clock strikes twelve and everyone else left an hour ago. When the hosts are rubbing their eyes and yawning, is the perfect time to ask for one more drink.
10. Don’t write a thank you note. Of course they know you enjoyed yourself, right? It doesn’t matter, you can tell them what a good time you had at their next party. That is if you are invited to the next party.
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